Goodbye 2014.

Being this the last day of 2014, I took some time to settle down and reflect about this year that is soon to end. I didn’t fulfilled every resolution or plan but new plans came along the way. First of all, I didn’t finished any of the novels I planned to finish writing. New ideas came, I spend a lot of time writing them down and doing lot of research and daydream. At the end, I decided that I will not force myself to finish them, I will eventually finish writing something when the right time comes and  when I feel ready.

I traveled twice this year and I did things in both trips that I always wanted to do. I walked around New York City alone, I breathed the Central Park, I got lost in the subway, I cried for John Lennon in front of where he was killed, I drank coffee at a local coffee shop and I stood in the middle of Grand Central. It was me against the city, my against the world and it felt amazing. I went to see the Phantom Of The Opera on Broadway finally. It was my dream and I made it happen. The second trip was to Las Vegas. It wasn’t the best trip but good things happened. I went to Grand Canyon and I saw my favorite bird in real life, the ravens. I absorbed everything I could for further writing. I cried when I came back because I wanted to stay, not in Vegas but in the West. I love that side of the country, and I was 5 hours away from my real target, Los Angeles.

On both trips I wanted to stay. It’s been my plan for over 2 years. I want to move to USA but it never happens. I have decided to return to college so I will stay here for a while and see how it goes.

On this year, I decided finally that I want to be a writer (well, I want to be an actress and singer too. Always.). I’m 24 years old and I was still confused over what to do with my life. I thought of something that I will never get tired of and that is, writing. I been writing since I was 6 and I never stopped. Whether is writing a blog, writing for a newspaper or my biggest goal of writing a book, I want to write always.

One of the things I’d say I do and I did was quitting my old job. i used to work in a bank and I was sick of it. I felt like drowning there, I felt my soul accepting the comfort of the non-comfort zone and I had to get out. I saved enough money to live without a job for a while, filled myself with courage and presented my quitting letter. I felt such relief and happiness of doing something I never thought I was able to do. I felt very proud of myself and my friends were happy for me too. In that period after I read a lot and I wrote a lot. I watched the whole 7 seasons of Doctor Who (and fell in love with the 10th Doctor) and dedicated a lot of my new time for my blog.

My blog reached this year the 153 followers and over 2,500 views. I love blogging and I plan to grow and improve at blogging next year. I am very thankful for each view and each follow. I also decided to keep the name of my blog as it is. When I thought about changing it I read a book that confirmed me to keep the tittle I already choose.

Of course, bad thing happened this year. My cousin died in a car accident in May. It was terrible, my family was shattered, it was unexpected and we are still trying to recover. Sometime later I started having panic attacks. They came and they are terrifying. I felt like my body was about to shut down at any moment. I wanted to run away from wherever I was and I locked myself inside my house until I could control them. Few weeks ago, my boyfriend spent a week in the hospital and Christmas season was kind of messy. I was very worried and anxious (yes. I am anxiety girl.) From each experiences I have learned something new.

Last but not least (at all), I read this year a total of 53 books! Yes! I read a lot. I learned so much with each book I read and each one mean something for me. I am thankful for every book, every inspiring word, every story and every fictional female character that’s now my role model.

I finally got the chance to go to see Paramore live. It’s been 10 years since I became a fan and I dreamed on going to their concert and I finally had my chance. It was the best concert ever. It was a dream come true for me. Somehow that concert made me feel different, alive and maybe that was a moment when I started to let go of my insecurities and fears on being unaccepted by the society.

Now, I am working in a bookstore full of the smell of books and coffee. I like better this job and my anxieties are controlled. I have no idea what 2015 will bring but I already have plans for Paris and New York. I know its going to be a great year. I welcome the new year knowing how to calm my fears, carry on with the small stuff. Understanding that friends come and go but life doesnt stop. I accept myself as I am with all my imperfections and virtues and I set it ready for new books, new experiences and new people.

And you, who read all the way to here I thank you for reading. Maybe you didn’t had a great year overall but I am sure you had good days. The rain come and go but, the sun is constant and it’s there. Thank you for joining me and for reading my posts, it made me feel less lonely.

Goodbye 2014, with all the bad days included, it’s been a wonderful year. Everything I learned this year will help me for next year and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

I want to keep writing but then I figured I should keep things to myself. See you next year !

xx

Melanie.

2 comments

  1. Beautifully written! I’m so sorry for the loss of your cousin. Anxiety attacks are terrible, and I hope you are healing and taking time for self-care. Best of luck to you in 2015! I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

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